-= Roots of Me, another Me =-

Today, I was lost. I didn't want to remember. Remember what made me so... hypocritical.

Well, today I was talking to Ting Jun on MSN (the first time in our 3 years of friendship), it seems like we getting more distant from each other and I felt a bit awkward talking to him. Yeah, the fact that he didn't get into ExCo and I did distanced us, the fact that we were in the ExCo last year distanced us more. But yet, he is still the only one that reminds me of everything. Right from Secondary One, when we were in Black Box, looking at each other, and wondering that hey, isn't that guy from my class?

Well, he said he wanted to have fun this year, especially during Yiyun. Hey, fun... Since when did I lose sight of that in Chinese Drama... Since when... I took up another personality to be...well... what others expect of me... and since when... did I forget about myself when I am in huagang...

I mean like, what the fuck had I been doing for the past year? Seriously, I don't know. I was not myself. I was only myself in my own class, having fun, doing stuff my way. In EP3, I was another person solely created for the purpose of letting myself fall asleep, and be unaware of the fags.

Fun in Chinese Drama.. it's been so damn long since I had fun in one day of EP3. Not even in camp did I have fun... Not even in this year's huangcheng camp did I enjoy myself... Since when... did I shut myself from everybody once I am in black box?

I was thinking sometimes for quite long, what is wrong with me? And now, I realized... wtf was I doing when I was chosen to become chairman? You know, like for all I care, Ting Jun should have become the chairman, and I believe he would at least have done a better job than me for the past year. That's the truth damn it. I mean like, for the past year, I was living in another shadow, in the shadows of seniors, in the shadows of projected me, in the shadows of shien yang, in the shadows of long jian, in the shadows of myself. I was not living as myself, in Huagang at least. Even in council, I still was myself, pissing off people at times and helping my dear friends Hong Woon and Zhi Rong for a stupid Mid-Year-Review.

You know, I wasn't me.

What I am..

is someone who don't care about who screwing up
is someone who seriously don't fucking care about retarded traditions
is someone who doesn't give a shit about retarded people trampling on my feet
is someone who do care about having fun
is someone who do care about making a helluva impact
is someone who do care about being happy

Give me some time... a bit more...

and I will be the original me. The one who seeks attention, who seeks friends, who seeks to be fun and happy.

It's about time, that I awaken, and stop being the foolish persona of the year back then.

Let me claim back my rightful duty as the chairman.
Do what I should.

Blast the fuckers,
shut the noisy brats up.
Plan stuff my way
Execute it my way
And make sure the fireworks reach the world.

FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, IT's 2010, the last year of high school life.

It is a last year, to leave an impact.

If I pull through this year, with flying rainbows, I will be a legend.

Bring it on Tan Kah Kee, Chinese Arts Festival, 7th Asian Student Drama Performance, 艺韵．

Labels: huagang