My academics are not improving.
MSG will probably go quite high haha. IHC is screwed up, my Chemistry was an A2. Chinese well, will be the same as always. Biology, Mrs Koh relented and gave me the extra half mark. English is improving ^^. Maths, tough luck. I do not have enough time to practise the questions. Physics... well I screwed up the PBL. Left the test.
2nd term would be better with no more TKK or drama festival...
I seem quite detached from my class, and I do not really talk to some of my better friends anymore.
Huagang, I see situational irony.
I just do not get it.
Somebody says he is enthusiastic about huagang, asks others to be serious, and yet himself is the one disturbing the rehearsals the most, not setting his lines no matter how many times I have asked him, not being serious about anything. So much for being enthusiastic. Oh, and I wondered if you did remember about any list that I passed you.
I wanted to scold you there and then, I resisted my emotions.
Should there be any time for it once more, I would really just let it all out, all of my frustrations towards you. I do not care if it sours our relations, because to me, we are not really friends anymore. On the surface, yes. But to be frank, I no longer regard you as one.
---
Huagang... time to view it in another light.
I sense immense similarity between Huagang and NPCC.
Both seems to be having similar problems.
But of course, the difference is immense as well.
I think I have allowed some people to linger too long, allowed some people to spread their influence too much.
I wish some people will understand where they go wrong.
And I wish they would change.
Some is trying to.. I know.
But some just really... ugh...
I do not know... but for now, Huagang is no longer listed as my priority.
21 more days, and I will be back.
Within this 21 days, I am gonna either despise that person totally or screw him if he doesn't change. Along with the rest of the crew.
---
Xin Rui seems tired. Sorry for the past few days.
Cheng Jun seems pissed. I hope you can express it in my stead. Your silence won't help.
I know my limitations. And I don't wish to break them. Because I can't.
The vivacity I once had with regards to this entity is gone.
I'd love to help, but it doesn't mean anything if the others doesn't appreciate it.
What I have contributed, and what I have received in return, has been too different.
Is there any meaning in this anymore?
Why'd anybody work hard, sacrifice his own personal interests, and all he gets are people that are adamant, that continues to destroy what he had tried to construct.
---
If only, I was different.
If only, I rejected that role.
If only, I shirked this reponsibility.
Then all of this, wouldn't have happened.
But then, since fate has guided me this way,
since my own mind has led me here,
let me to know other's worries,
let me to know mine as well,
maybe it is time for me to reenact the promise I once made but broken.
Starting from today, I don't want to be silent.
I want to reassume my status.
I want to qualm my fears.
I want to overcome my sloth.
I am gonna begin my proper role.
Wish those that understand this, will help me to assure me that I wouldn't change paths anymore.
21 more days, before I can start paving the way, before I can start mapping the skies.
and 4 months more, to leave my marks.
Let it end well.
